There were no doctors appointments left at 8.30am, so I went walking. Well, I caught a bus out to Balerno to be precise - and ended up walking; having taken a few very indecisive paces in umpteen directions first.
But I managed to get an appointment with Dr Ali during the afternoon. I was really surprised and impressed with this young man when I met him for the first time a few months ago - he moved his chair closer to mine so he could maintain good eye contact, and I really felt listened to. I think there's a lot to be said for recently-qualified GPs, its nice to feel you're working with your doctor, rather than just sitting there passively, like a lemon!
Well, it seems that thioridazine, my usual anti-anxiety drug, is no longer used in the UK - he'd never heard of it, and patiently looked up its' various names in front of me, to prove the fact! I must admit I do have a few misgivings about his suggested alternatives - I think the last time I had diazepam was from some unkempt-looking police surgeon, having just been sectioned in the late 1980s; and here I am home with 28 of them...
He's written me up for up to 3 a day - but said I can have 4 if I feel I need them - and it's also okay to just have one. He reckons they'll make me feel really good - and warned that because they're addictive, I can't have them long term - but hey! So I came home via Boots and took a couple. I have to say, so far, so good - they always used to give me tinnitus, dry mouth, tremor, palpitations and sweats pretty well straight away, but so far I've not experienced any adverse side effects, which is pretty amazing really. Maybe they've refined it a bit, from the stuff I've had before? I guess I'll have a better idea in the morning...
Anyway, I've to keep in touch with the good doctor - he wants to see me again when I run out of pills - which I guess could be in as little as a week's time. I've also to continue trying to go out and keep myself occupied, and he even thinks that starting work on Monday is a good idea - I was terrified he'd tell me not to.
He's a bit of a one for antidepressants mind you, which I'm not so keen to have. I'm afraid the only sort I've ever had that make a significant difference to the depression are such that their side-effects render me incapable of day to day functioning, and in particular, the newer SSRI type really don't suit me at all, so far as I can tell. But we'll see. At the moment I'd be willing to try just about anything, within reason!
A bit of internet research has confirmed that thiroidazine - also known as Melleril - was indeed withdrawn from UK pharmacology in 2005. You know, it's actually quite worrying when you consider that, not many years ago, I and countless others were being prescribed 200mg doses on a daily basis! Though in its defence I have to say, four or five days in hospital with that kind of treatment used to serve me very well - and the jury's still out on whether that might still be preferable to long-term use of ineffective antidepressants.
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