Fasting!

During the past week, I managed to gain some weight for the first time since I began attending Slimmers World! Only a pound and a half, so not a disaster, but a gain all the same. The truth is I'm getting really sick of fruit, vegetables, Quorn, yogurt, etc - and I'm not really in the right space to prepare more interesting foodstuffs at the moment...

A few weeks back, the subject of fasting came up in a church house group. I've always kind of admired people that can fast, and wondered how on earth they can possibly be so self-discplined to achieve such a thing! I'd really quite like to feel able to do it if I wanted to - and you know, I think the time has come to just give it a go. So today's the day - I shall drink tea, but not eat - not until after lunchtime anyway - that feels like it could be a realistic goal!

Of course, I know that you're not meant to tell anyone you're doing it if it's for spiritual reasons - so let me say that this time it is about me, and not specifically about my spirituality - I just need to know that I can do it if I want to. Know what I mean?

As regards other matters, the visualisations I described a few days ago have subsided a bit, but there have been others - usually these occur as I'm walking over high bridges and the like. Don't be alarmed - I'm not likely to act upon them - but they are very disturbing indeed when they occur, as I can actually feel my feet moving towards the edge or the parapet. I've always been scared of heights anyway - perhaps this is why - I'm the same on underground platforms, as the train is pulling into the station; and as for cliff edges - don't even go there.

One visualisation I used to get that thankfully, doesn't seem to occur these days, involved walking off into oblivion. It was always worse whenever there were reports of bad weather, snow, blizzards or fog - I'd just have this overwhelming urge to take myself off to some remote moor or mountain and just walk into the thick of it, never to return.

I'm probably way off mark, but in a sense I feel I can identify with the police chief guy that was found dead on Snowdon the other day, as he appears to have done just that...

As a precaution, I've decided to tell my doctor about these thoughts and visualisations - again, I'm kind of needing to know that such a revelation won't result in me being carted off to hospital - as I'm pretty certain it would have done in former times! I have an applointment for Monday - but they also do same day appointments, and as both of the doctors I normally see are working today, I'm going to go up to the surgery in a bit and see if they can fit me in today - the sooner the better I think - just in case...