Well, I made it - though it took me a good hour longer than I'd imagined it would. This is because the water stank. No, I don't mean the drains - I attack them all with Domestos on quite a frequent basis. I mean the water...
If you've ever wondered what the difference is between an irrational thought and an hallucination, this is probably as good an illustration as any: hallucinations make it appear real. It looks real, it sounds real - and in my case, it smells real. The only thing I have to suggest that it might not be real is logic. As in this case - for tap water doesn't usually smell - smelling isn't one of its known properties (although I have to say there is a bit of me that wonders whether the reason it doesn't smell is because we've all been brought up to believe that - and in actual fact, it might smell; but I digress).
For as long as I can remember, I've had problems with smells. Olfactory hallucinations, to give them their Sunday name. The mere sight of almost anything that is shit, or looks like shit, sick, piss, snot, blood, rotting food or flesh, or other types of bodily excrements other than my own; has me heaving up almost instantly. My eyes stream, I have coughing fits, I feel faint and see stars - it's pretty dramatic. I love dogs and I love walking; but if I see a dog squatting ahead, I need to turn around instantly, or cross the street and look the other way. And, even worse, if I see a dog owner clearing up after it, and/or carrying their little bag afterwards - well, the results are predictable indeed. Actually, I'm beginning to react right now just by visualising it...
Needless to say, I often can't use public toilets. For this reason I have a RADAR key somewhere as, because disabled loos tend to be kept locked except while in use, they're not so well patronised, shall we say; and there's more chance I can use them. That said, I can't remember last when I needed to, and I don't regularly carry my key with me these days.
Likewise, my kitchen often smells. Because there's no window, there's a electric ventilation thing in the ceiling that causes quite a considerable draught, and I therefore have to keep the door closed during the winter months; but during the summer it stays propped open, as it's just easier, that's all. It's not unusual for me to have to literally run out and hang my head out of the window...
One of the best quick-fixes I've found - which only works when there's just a smell and nothing to see that looks as though it could be the source, is replacing it with my own smell. Hence, a quick bowel movement tends to ease the toilet issue; and keeping some Dettox air freshener spray within arms reach of the kitchen door can help with the kitchen - even if I do have to wait for a while, to let the vapour dissipate enough to prevent me choking...
But when water smells, I have a bit of a problem - because of course, you can't clean supposedly clean water - at least, not if you want to use it to clean yourself with!
So, to cut a long story short, I had to grab the Cillit Bang and scrub every possible surface to replace the unpleasant smell with a pleasant one. So not only did I have my shower, shave and brush up; the bathroom did too - and for the first time in ages, the shower tiles are gleaming once more. Not a bad bonus, eh? I was quite pleased with myself, actually!
Then I made it to Sainsbury's (gosh, it was cold out there - no wonder we've got lying snow here this morning); got a few bits and pieces to keep me going ; watched the final of I'm a Celebrity, Get me Out of Here and settled down for the night, which passed without further incident.
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